Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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