he thought i was a dude.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
