Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize