My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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