only if we run a train.
done.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
