I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had to cum in my sink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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