i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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