Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
