But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
