Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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