god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
