Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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