How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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