Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
