STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
