So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
