I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available