erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
