I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
