i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
