wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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