why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
