What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my poor anus
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
