Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
