Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
