Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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