one might say we're banned from that church
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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