that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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