talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
