so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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