This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
