She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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