I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
