So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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