I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
