sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
