also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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