literally had 100 drinks last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
