in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The air taste purple.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
