He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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