the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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