If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
