Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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