Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
