My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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