there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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