Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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