if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
