forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
