I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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