She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A+ Viking dick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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