Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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