So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize