He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
