End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I checked into jail on foursquare
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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