Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
