Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
