last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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