we made out on top of his cat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
