Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
