I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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