my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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