apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
