I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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