the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
