Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
