I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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