I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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